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it's been such a rough year. just looking back at everything, i just… - joycie [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Jan. 18th, 2010|08:45 pm]
it's been such a rough year. just looking back at everything, i just feel like everything went wrong. both jay and my car were stolen. our new car was hit and it's still in the body shop right now. i messed up with ryan and messed myself up emotionally... my stepdad goes to jail which puts my mom in struggle evenmore... and to start off this year, my dad dies. i'm fucking miserable. i don't know how to express my feelings. i know the Lord will be beside me and things will get better in different ways, but it's just so hard to get over these things. i miss my dad so much. i miss him so fucking much. i wish he was still here, i want him to call me... i miss him. i don't know what to do. i know its time.. time can only heal this pain if it is even possible for me to heal. its so hard... i can't get over it. i just want things to go right.. to just go uphill. i think goodbye is the hardest thing to go through. not ever seeing someone or hearing their voice.. now i know how it feels to lose someone and its so hard. so so fucking hard. i can't get over it. no matter what hell he put everyone through, he was my dad. he is my dad. he was everything to me.. he made me and made me who i am today. i love him and miss him and i hope he knew that...he has to. i know it will be a long process but i just have to take it day by day....