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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2010|08:45 pm]
it's been such a rough year. just looking back at everything, i just feel like everything went wrong. both jay and my car were stolen. our new car was hit and it's still in the body shop right now. i messed up with ryan and messed myself up emotionally... my stepdad goes to jail which puts my mom in struggle evenmore... and to start off this year, my dad dies. i'm fucking miserable. i don't know how to express my feelings. i know the Lord will be beside me and things will get better in different ways, but it's just so hard to get over these things. i miss my dad so much. i miss him so fucking much. i wish he was still here, i want him to call me... i miss him. i don't know what to do. i know its time.. time can only heal this pain if it is even possible for me to heal. its so hard... i can't get over it. i just want things to go right.. to just go uphill. i think goodbye is the hardest thing to go through. not ever seeing someone or hearing their voice.. now i know how it feels to lose someone and its so hard. so so fucking hard. i can't get over it. no matter what hell he put everyone through, he was my dad. he is my dad. he was everything to me.. he made me and made me who i am today. i love him and miss him and i hope he knew that...he has to. i know it will be a long process but i just have to take it day by day....
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(no subject) [Aug. 21st, 2006|06:59 pm]
hey, wow it's been a while since i've written. i wonder if it's good to still jot down your thoughts on something. i haven't done that in a while. i really haven't been caring about anything and i really haven't had the urge to vent anymore. if i do, i'd vent to someone or something. i don't have much to complain about anymore, thank goodness. just minor problems that i worry about but nothing major. i dunno i guess the reason why i don't write much anymore is because i don't like thinking about my problems anymore. i tend to ignore a lot of things cuz i guess it helps me move on and just live you know?

but anyways. i registered for some classes today... i didn't realize how fast classes book up. i finally decided to take up nursing. i remembered how i never wanted to do nursing and this and that... and unfortunately, i just decided to do it. i did it because i had nothing planned for myself. i had no goal. i just wanted to live a stable life and whatnot, but who doesn't want that? i just had no plan in getting there. nursing.... is the only known career i know about because i've been told about it so many times so why not. i've noticed that with the flexible schedule, i'll still be able to continue school when i do decide what i really wana do. right? right.

i've been working in walmart for a long ass time now. 8 months to be exact. it's amazing just being in one place for a long time and watch people grow in a way. i've seen people come and go... i have this one coworker and shes already 4 months pregnant. i remember when she wasn't even pregnant... and now she has a big belly. i like my job.. i mean it's a chill part-time job. nothing as a career though, hell no. but i'm pretty content with it.

umm let me talk about guys. my favorite topic. suprisingly i don't talk about every single guy i'm involved with anymore. but yeah... there's been a lot of guys in my life since the last time i wrote. they come and go like everyone else. its amazing how they're all alike. lol. but right now, i'm involved with this one guy jay. it's been a week. hah. i really like him a lot. i didn't think i'd grow feelings like that with anyone. good news that it's finally mutual. the bad news is that i'm already worrying about him losing interest in me. we've been spending everyday together since we met and i love it. i enjoy being with him... but i can already tell that we're getting use to each other beacuse of our quiet times... our quiet times are just whatever now... it's not awkward. i mean i can get comfortable like that quick with someone, but its the other person that always thinks that something is wrong. but i guess let me speak about him... i met him thruogh myspace. LOL. nice right? nah but we go to the same school. i've seen him around a lot. he works in the movie theatres too in the mall, and i'd always see him there when i go. i even saw him on time at the club but that was a while ago.. i think during the winter time but i never spoke to him... we just saw each other. he told me that he thought i had a boyfriend cuz i was always with some guy haha. but no. i'm always single. so yeah i saw him on myspace so i just messaged him asking if he worked in the movie theatre and hes like yeah. turns out he's filipino. i thought he was hispanic because you know... you just automatically assume everyone is hispanic over here. he thought i was too but it's cool cuz we're both filipino. he doesn't know jack shit about philippines though so we can't relate that much on that. he's 21... he lives on his own with a roommate and his brother. he's into cars and i like that about him. he has a nice suped up car... he told me he'd hook up my car too when i get it back. oh and it also turns out he drives an acura integra. i drive a 93 and he drives a 94. lol. but yeah.
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(no subject) [Apr. 14th, 2005|08:47 am]
[mood |hopefulhopeful]
[music |mariah carey - we belong together]

it's morning and i gota get ready for school. but i just wanted to update really quick becuase last night.... i had the most amazing dream in my life. it's something i never wana forget, even though it breaks my heart.

it was me and chris. i can't remember every detail, but i know it was just great. it felt so real because all the words and all the actions are what could've been. he said shit like he always liked ria but he left her or something.... well bad on my part cuz it seems like i'm the rebound, but then again i wasn't. even though he cared for her, i knew how he felt because if i were with another guy, i would still care for him. so me and him were just so happy together. we went places, we hugged, we kissed, we laughed. it was me and him and that was that. fuck... i'm forgetting what happened. but all i know is that i didn't wanna wake up. i wanted to dream forever because i was so happy in it... we were both so happy. ugh

lol ok i'm such a loser. whatever! now i gota get ready.
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